Navigating Health Challenges: A Journey of Recovery and Content Creation

The speaker acknowledges a significant decrease in their online activity, including content posting and streaming, over the past several months. They express the importance of transparency and provide an update on their current situation, indicating they are experiencing both mental and physical health crises.

Due to the challenges posed by their health issues, the speaker has had to reduce the hours of some of their editors, which they find unfortunate. They provide contact information for editors seeking work, encouraging others in the YouTube community to reach out if they have opportunities available.

The speaker reflects on the passing of Scott, a close friend and significant contributor to the channel, which occurred at the end of June last year. This loss has deeply affected the speaker, compounding their existing struggles with mental health.

Following Scott's death, the speaker faced a series of stressful events, including the self-harm and subsequent death of another acquaintance within their friend circle. This situation required the speaker's full attention to support a close friend who was also struggling, highlighting the contagious nature of mental health crises.

Amidst the grieving process, the speaker began experiencing severe physical health problems, which they previously mentioned in a community post in January. They were diagnosed with a bacterial infection known as C. difficile, which severely impacted their digestive system.

Despite undergoing multiple rounds of antibiotics that initially seemed to address the C. difficile infection, the speaker continued to experience worsening physical symptoms. They have been undergoing extensive testing to determine the underlying causes of their ongoing health issues.

The speaker underwent various health tests, including a Holter monitor and EKG, which returned normal results. Tests for inflammatory markers and autoimmune diseases also showed normal results, despite the speaker experiencing significant digestive issues.

The speaker described severe digestive problems, including an inability to properly absorb food, leading to frequent bathroom visits and discomfort. This condition was accompanied by heart palpitations, which complicated the distinction between physical symptoms and panic attacks, causing increased anxiety.

The speaker experienced extreme fatigue and brain fog, to the extent that they felt unsafe driving and relied on Uber for doctor appointments. Energy levels fluctuated dramatically, with sudden crashes in the afternoon that left them feeling dizzy and unable to think clearly.

After continued debilitating symptoms, a doctor recommended testing for Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth (SIBO). However, this test was not covered by regular healthcare in Canada, necessitating a visit to a naturopath, which the speaker was initially skeptical about due to concerns over the scientific basis of naturopathy.

Following a positive SIBO diagnosis, the speaker began a treatment protocol under the naturopath's guidance, which included a course of strong antibiotics and a strict diet resembling keto, severely limiting carbohydrate and dairy intake, and primarily consisting of plain chicken wings.

The speaker discusses significant health issues, particularly related to digestion, which led to a lack of enjoyment in food, a small comfort for them. This health decline coincided with the end of a three-year relationship, adding emotional stress. The speaker reflects on the compounded stress from moving back to Vancouver from Atlanta, losing a close friend, and dealing with health problems, all of which felt overwhelming despite their strong mental resolve.

After trying a protocol from a naturopath, the speaker experienced no improvement in their symptoms after a month, leading to the abandonment of this treatment. They spent much of December and January bedridden, feeling dizzy and depressed. In December, they began taking cholestyramine, which initially made them feel significantly better, allowing them to produce five videos in a week. However, this improvement was short-lived, possibly due to the naturopath's protocol, which may have worsened their condition.

In their ongoing search for relief, the speaker explored fecal microbial transplant (FMT) as a treatment option, humorously referring to it as a 'poop transplant.' Unfortunately, this procedure did not yield any significant improvements, possibly only resulting in a placebo effect. The speaker notes that they have been advised by various doctors to continue seeking alternative treatments.

The speaker discusses the significant delay in obtaining a colonoscopy due to a long waiting list, exacerbated by the absence of alarming health indicators such as cancer signs or abnormal inflammatory markers. Despite undergoing various tests that returned normal results, the colonoscopy is not expected to occur until potentially the end of the year.

In the interim, the speaker managed to undergo a CT scan colonography, which, while less conclusive than a traditional colonoscopy, provided some reassurance by indicating no immediate red flags or tumors. This outcome, while relieving, also left the speaker frustrated due to the lack of definitive answers regarding their health issues.

The speaker reflects on a marked decrease in their functional capacity over the past year, contrasting their current state with a time when they were able to produce multiple videos monthly while managing large projects. They express disbelief at their previous productivity, acknowledging that their work habits were already unsustainable before health complications arose.

Amidst ongoing health issues, the speaker has been dedicating much of their limited functional time to navigating the healthcare system, which they perceive as inadequate in addressing their unique health concerns. They emphasize the challenges faced by individuals with atypical symptoms in both the Canadian and U.S. healthcare systems, which tend to focus on common ailments.

The speaker has developed a personalized regimen of medications that includes calistyamine, Metamucil, calcium, vitamin D chewable tablets, and Imodium, which they take twice daily. While these medications provide some relief, the speaker notes that they do not resolve the underlying health issue, as symptoms return if the medication is missed.

Exploring alternative treatments, the speaker has invested in two devices designed for vagus nerve stimulation, one for the neck and another for the ear, which are intended to be used for about an hour daily. They express skepticism about the effectiveness of these devices, likening some of the treatments to 'snake oil' remedies, yet acknowledge the desperation to try anything after exhausting conventional options.

After undergoing a CT scan colonography, the speaker began to consider that their health issues might be more mental than physical. They noted the connection between mental health and physical symptoms, such as how panic attacks can mimic heart attack symptoms. The speaker was diagnosed with ADHD, severe depression, severe anxiety, and mild PTSD by a mental health professional, and they are now exploring various medications to address these conditions.

The speaker mentioned that the mental health professionals indicated a likelihood of autism but could not provide a diagnosis due to their lack of specialization. They would need to spend $2,000 for an adult autism diagnosis, which they deemed impractical. This reflects the speaker's ongoing journey in understanding their mental health.

In March, the speaker experienced a significant worsening of their depression, leading to a state of anhedonia, where they could not derive joy from activities they typically enjoyed. Despite engaging in social activities and even receiving a massage, they found themselves unable to feel positive sensations, indicating a deeper issue related to brain chemistry rather than just mood.

The speaker recognized the seriousness of their depression and anxiety, realizing that they needed to allocate their physical and mental resources to address these issues. They speculated that their struggles might be compounded by grief and the physical health challenges they faced, including a diagnosed infection, which initially led them to believe their problems were primarily physical.

The speaker has begun trying different medications for ADHD as part of their ongoing efforts to manage their mental health conditions. This step reflects their commitment to finding effective treatment and understanding the complexities of their mental health.

The speaker reflects on their past experiences with antidepressants, noting negative effects from attempts made around 2016. They consider that while ADHD may not be the root cause of their depression and anxiety, it could be exacerbating these issues. Recently, they have been trying different ADHD medications and report positive results, feeling calmer and more equipped to handle anxiety and panic attacks, although they still experience them.

Despite the cognitive benefits from the ADHD medication, the speaker is facing challenges with high blood pressure as a side effect. They express the need to explore different medications or combinations while managing other digestive medications, humorously describing themselves as a 'walking pharmacy.' They have also quit a sleeping pill taken for three years and nicotine, viewing their health journey as a battle to improve their well-being.

The speaker shares that they are experiencing an increase in functional hours each day, feeling more normal compared to the debilitating state they were in during December and January. They are committed to maintaining habits that support their improvements, such as daily walks, engaging in personal time, and exercising at the gym.

The speaker is actively experimenting with different diets and foods, meticulously logging their meals, bowel movements, and moods to identify patterns. They suspect certain foods may be causing issues, noting that burgers and thick bread seem to be well-tolerated, while dairy appears to be problematic. They are limiting dairy intake and using lactase enzymes to aid digestion.

The speaker provides this health update to address inquiries from their audience regarding their content creation plans, particularly about the possibility of returning to long-form content. They acknowledge that many people may not have seen previous text updates and are curious about their current situation.

The speaker discusses their ongoing mental and physical health crisis, explaining that while they struggle with fatigue and brain fog, they find it easier to engage in less intensive content creation, such as off-the-cuff commentary and humor. They mention that scheduling and recording simpler projects, like the 'Adam and Pals' watch-along videos, are manageable despite their health issues.

The speaker reveals that they are currently working on several 'Adam and Pals' videos, including an Oscars-themed one that is nearing completion. They also highlight their consistent production of Patreon content, which includes monthly rambles on topics voted by patrons, typically lasting a minimum of 30 minutes, with some extending to an hour.

The speaker expresses that the most challenging aspect of their content creation during this period has been the longer-form reviews, which require more planning and coordination. They emphasize their desire to produce high-quality content, stating that they are close to being able to tackle these projects again, but they want to ensure that the quality matches their previous work, particularly referencing their passion for a potential project related to 'The Lion King Part Two.'

The speaker reflects on their journey towards a new normal, acknowledging that while things will not return to how they were, they are approaching a state where they can resume more regular content creation. They emphasize the importance of prioritizing their happiness and avoiding unsustainable work patterns that contributed to their health crisis.

The speaker contemplates the direction of their content, noting that many channels focus solely on long-form videos, producing them infrequently. They consider adopting a similar approach, suggesting that they might shift towards creating fewer, but more substantial, long-form content pieces, while still maintaining their unique style of commentary and coverage.

The speaker confirms their commitment to covering film festivals, mentioning a recent trip to South by Southwest. They reflect on their experience during this trip, noting that it occurred shortly after they had been dealing with anhedonia, yet they managed to produce content from the event.

The speaker discusses their recent health struggles, mentioning a condition referred to as 'anhidonia' and expressing difficulty in recalling the sequence of events due to feeling ill. Despite initially feeling too unwell to attend a film festival, they found that being in a different environment significantly improved their condition. They plan to attend the CIF film festival soon, motivated by missed opportunities at Southby due to their illness.

The speaker reflects on the positive effects of changing their living space, stating that reorganizing their room has alleviated feelings of claustrophobia. They suggest that being out of their room has a beneficial mental effect, indicating a possible subconscious association with past experiences in that space. They emphasize the importance of prioritizing their mental and physical health, acknowledging that their overall condition is improving and they are past the worst of their struggles.

The speaker addresses the current state of their content production, apologizing for the reduced frequency and quality compared to previous standards. They mention having editors work on projects during their illness, including a video discussing a talking cat and a talking pony, which is based on a podcast segment. They express concern about releasing content that may not meet audience expectations but believe that incorporating film clips will enhance the humor and engagement of the material.

In response to concerns about their health, the speaker has conducted a carbon monoxide inspection in their home to rule out environmental factors contributing to their condition. They report no findings of mold or other issues, indicating a proactive approach to ensuring their living environment is safe as they continue to focus on their recovery.

The speaker discusses ongoing issues with tendinitis, which significantly impacts their ability to edit videos and play music. They visited a specialist who recommended PRP (Platelet-Rich Plasma) injections for their right arm instead of surgery, as the damage observed is comparable to post-surgery results. The PRP injections are scheduled for the end of May, and the speaker anticipates a challenging recovery period where they will be unable to use their arm for several weeks.

The speaker expresses a strong emotional need for music as a therapeutic outlet, emphasizing that the inability to play has been tough. They hope that successful treatment will allow them to return to music creation, potentially recording new material, even if it's just an EP. They acknowledge the frustration of losing subscribers due to their current limitations but accept that it's beyond their control.

Despite the challenges, the speaker is determined to return to producing high-quality content. They have organized a new plan with existing editors to ensure sustainable content production. While they may create some quick content, their focus will shift back to long-form projects, including finishing their 2016 list, a synectic video, and a project titled 'Lank King.' They express optimism about achieving sustainability in their work within the next few months.

The speaker reveals that they have been depleting their savings due to ongoing medical expenses related to their condition. This financial strain adds to the urgency of finding a sustainable solution for their content creation and overall well-being.

Living in Canada, the speaker acknowledges that while many healthcare services are covered, a significant portion of medication costs must be paid out of pocket. They express frustration over having to pay for numerous medications to avoid long wait times, which can extend up to six months.

The speaker announces changes to their gaming channel, noting that the current editor, who has managed the channel for the past year, is moving on to focus on personal projects. They mention bringing in new editors to create content, while clarifying that they themselves only spend about five hours a week playing video games, a significant reduction from the previous ten-hour streams every Sunday.

The speaker expresses a desire to establish a more consistent streaming schedule in the future, although they currently lack one. They apologize to viewers for the inconsistency, explaining that while they enjoy gaming, it has become increasingly difficult to maintain regular streams.

Addressing comments about their streaming time affecting other content, the speaker encourages viewers to check the dates on their highlights channel to understand their streaming frequency. They clarify that they typically dedicate only two hours a month to streaming, primarily for trailer reaction streams, contrasting this with the more time-consuming nature of edited content, which involves multiple processes like watching, writing, recording, and editing.

The speaker contemplates the possibility of shifting to vlog-style reviews for recent films during this transitional period, acknowledging that they are not currently watching many new movies outside of film festivals. They mention the idea of conducting 'quickie catchup' streams to discuss recent films, suggesting that this could help fill content gaps and engage viewers, especially if the films are popular and relevant.

The speaker reminds fellow YouTube peers that some of their editors, who have been with the channel for a while, are currently seeking additional work due to a significant restructuring process. This situation has created a domino effect, necessitating changes in the speaker's operations.

The speaker expresses a dislike for sponsorships, mentioning they have only done a few in the past. However, they indicate a willingness to continue promoting Audible occasionally, as they genuinely use the app. They briefly mention the link to Audible's trial offer.

The speaker shares that while things have been challenging, they are feeling better than they did a few months ago. They mention spending a lot of their free time trying to figure out health-related issues, including the possibility of experiencing long COVID symptoms such as gut dysbiosis and chronic fatigue.

Reflecting on their 15 years on the platform, the speaker notes that they have typically worked at 150% capacity. However, due to recent challenges, they have been operating at 50%. They believe this balance allows for a necessary period of crisis without the fear of losing everything, acknowledging the difficulty of maintaining subscriber engagement during less frequent postings.

The speaker acknowledges the potential difficulties in rebuilding their channel's audience after a period of inactivity. They express acceptance of the situation, noting that starting fresh with approximately 900,000 subscribers is preferable to starting from zero.

The speaker discusses their recent viewing of 'Mufasa' as part of a Patreon voting initiative, despite initial reluctance. They plan to edit this experience into a 'YMS Watches' segment and express a desire to complete a full review of the film, but only after finishing 'Lion King Part Two.' They anticipate potential misunderstandings from viewers regarding the status of the latter project.

The speaker reveals that their short-term memory has been significantly affected, contrasting this with their previously strong memory capabilities. They describe a troubling period where they frequently forgot things, indicating a decline in their mental state during this time.

The speaker describes feeling impaired without the positive effects typically associated with intoxication, leading to forgetfulness, missed appointments, and a general sense of fear regarding their mental state. They mention that ADHD medications are helping, but they need to find the right one while managing high blood pressure.

The speaker discusses their immune system issues, noting they were getting colds every two weeks, which has improved to about three weeks between illnesses. They express frustration over being sick with colds on top of existing gut and mental health issues, but they feel their immune system is getting stronger.

The speaker is actively looking for a therapist to aid in their recovery process. They acknowledge ongoing intestinal pain upon waking but feel overall improvement, as evidenced by their ability to record the update.

The speaker mentions having dents in their fingernails and plans to follow up with a doctor to determine if this indicates a deficiency. They have undergone extensive testing for various health issues.

The speaker plans to sell old Blu-rays in the summer, mentioning that they do this every few years. They intend to sign the Blu-rays, which may be challenging due to current arm issues.

The speaker concludes that their health is improving, stating they are past the worst of their struggles. They express gratitude for the support received during this challenging time.

The speaker explains the financial differences between their Patreon and YouTube accounts, noting that Patreon takes a smaller cut, allowing them to charge less for monthly rambles while still earning more overall. They encourage viewers to check out the content available on Patreon.