Empowering Parents: The CI Parent Academy's Approach to Co-Regulation and Emotional Competence

The CI Parent Academy, part of the academic reinforcement projects in Children International, aims to create a nurturing community for children and youth, involving parents and guardians. Through parenting talks, the initiative seeks to enhance parents' knowledge and skills to support their children's education, strengthen parent-child connections, and improve essential social-emotional skills for daily life.

The first session focuses on co-regulation, emphasizing the importance of socio-emotional skills, particularly emotional management. The discussion highlights the positive effects of developing social-emotional skills, such as improved academic performance, reduced social-emotional problems, and increased pro-social behaviors like kindness and empathy among students.

The session features Teacher Jennifer Santos, also known as Teacher Chen, who holds a Master's degree in Family Life and Child Development from the University of the Philippines Diliman and a Master's in Nursing from UP Manila. She is a registered nurse in both the Philippines and the USA, a preschool teacher, and a university lecturer at various institutions, including Adamson University and the University of the East. Additionally, she is a mother of two.

The program, called Project Aral, stands for Academic Reinforcement Agency Led Project, aims to enhance children's cognitive development. It includes tutoring for children and educational components for parents, emphasizing the importance of lifelong learning for adults, particularly in the context of modern parenting.

Teacher Chen shares a trivia that Singapore ranks as the country with the smartest children globally, highlighting that Singapore has formal courses for parents on how to educate their children. This underscores the significance of the CI's Project Aral, which not only educates children but also empowers parents in their roles.

The speaker reflects on the differences in parenting from 10 to 20 years ago compared to the present day in 2024. They pose a question about the ease of parenting today, acknowledging that while it can be joyful, it also presents significant challenges. The speaker invites the audience to consider their daily struggles as parents or guardians.

The speaker reminisces about childhood experiences in the 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s, asking the audience to recall their own playtime activities. They share personal memories of playing outside with games like Chinese Garter and Luksong Tinik, and mention popular television shows from their youth, particularly highlighting 'Princess Sara' and her best friend Becky.

The speaker discusses how communication methods have evolved over the years. They recall the reliance on traditional telephones for long-distance communication, the use of AM and PM radio for music requests, and the practice of sending letters through the post office. This contrasts sharply with today's instant communication technologies.

The speaker examines the current state of childhood in the modern era, noting that children today are surrounded by technology and devices. They highlight the prevalence of online learning, the ease of communication via cellphones, and the popularity of mobile games like Mobile Legends. The speaker observes that families often engage with multiple screens simultaneously, indicating a shift in how children play and interact.

The speaker questions whether the parenting techniques used by previous generations remain effective today. They suggest that modern parents must adapt and learn new methods to guide their children, as the knowledge and experiences available to children now differ significantly from those of the past. The speaker emphasizes the need for parents to understand and utilize contemporary tools and knowledge in their parenting approach.

The discussion begins with an overview of three sessions planned for parents, emphasizing the importance of understanding the differences between today's youth and their own experiences. The first session focuses on the need for parents to recognize these differences in personality and behavior due to changing times.

The speaker highlights the necessity of learning how to support the brain development and health of children. While there is a wealth of information available online, not all of it is accurate. The second session will delve into what is genuinely needed for children's development, addressing common misconceptions.

The importance of teaching both parents and children the proper use of cellphones and social media is stressed. The speaker warns that dismissing this need could lead to future problems, urging everyone to learn how to balance healthy technology use with reading and other activities.

The speaker outlines the structure of the sessions, starting with session one on co-regulation, which emphasizes the need for calm parents to foster a calm environment for children. The second session will focus on identifying the true needs of children, while the third will provide guidance on balancing cellphone use with reading.

In session one, the concept of co-regulation is introduced, which is crucial for creating a happy family dynamic. The speaker addresses common parental concerns about discipline and respect, questioning why children may not exhibit these traits despite parental efforts.

The discussion references Dr. Becky Kennedy, a child psychologist, and her book that explores the concept of negativity bias. This bias leads parents to focus more on their children's mistakes rather than their successes, which can affect both parenting and personal relationships. The speaker encourages a shift in perspective to recognize positive behaviors.

The speaker emphasizes the importance of separating a child's actions from their character, arguing that even when children exhibit misbehavior, it does not define them as bad individuals. They assert that every child possesses inherent goodness, regardless of their behavior, and parents should strive to recognize this positive aspect.

The speaker outlines two perspectives parents can adopt when faced with their child's misbehavior. The first perspective is viewing the child as disrespectful, which often triggers feelings of loss of control in parents. The second perspective, based on Dr. Kennedy's insights, suggests that children, including teenagers, struggle with emotional regulation due to their still-developing brains, which lack full executive functioning.

The speaker highlights the challenges children face in managing their emotions, particularly during moments of distress. They argue that a child's outburst does not necessarily indicate disrespect but rather a struggle to control their feelings. Parents are encouraged to understand this aspect and to train their minds to see the goodness within their children, as well as in themselves and their partners.

The speaker stresses the necessity for parents to believe in the inherent goodness within themselves and their children. They suggest that when anger is activated, it can overshadow this goodness, and parents should focus on calming their anger to nurture the positive traits in their children. This belief is crucial for fostering a supportive environment for emotional growth.

The speaker introduces the concept of neuroplasticity, explaining that the human brain has the capacity to form new connections and change throughout life. This means that it is never too late for anyone, including children and even elderly family members, to change their behaviors and improve their emotional regulation. The speaker encourages parents to embrace this potential for change.

The speaker references the iceberg analogy, likening it to the film 'Titanic' to illustrate that much of a child's emotional and behavioral issues lie beneath the surface, much like the unseen part of an iceberg. This analogy serves to remind parents that understanding and addressing the underlying issues is crucial for effective parenting.

The speaker emphasizes the importance of looking beyond visible behaviors in children, suggesting that what is seen on the surface, such as a child's laziness or disobedience, may not reflect the underlying issues they face. These hidden struggles could include stress, bullying at school, insecurities, or emotional distress. Parents are encouraged to avoid quick judgments and to understand the deeper reasons behind their children's actions.

The speaker highlights the critical role of parental attitude in a child's learning and development. Acceptance and understanding of a child's feelings and behaviors are deemed essential before addressing discipline and education. Parents are urged to explore the underlying causes of their children's behaviors rather than reacting solely to the visible actions.

Co-regulation is defined as the guidance and support parents provide to their children, particularly in managing emotions. The speaker illustrates this concept through a metaphor of a child as a fire, indicating that when children exhibit intense emotions, parents should not react with anger or punishment. Instead, they should adopt a calm and supportive approach, modeling appropriate emotional responses.

The speaker stresses the importance of modeling appropriate behavior for children, especially during moments of emotional distress. Parents are advised against lecturing or sermonizing when a child is upset, as this is not the right time for moral instruction. Instead, they should demonstrate how to handle anger constructively, reinforcing that while it is natural to feel angry, it is unacceptable to hurt others.

The importance of role modeling in teaching children how to remain calm is emphasized. It is suggested that parents should demonstrate calmness, even in moments of anger, to provide a positive example for their children. The speaker encourages parents to breathe deeply and find ways to calm themselves before addressing their children's emotions.

Effective communication with children should be positive and gentle. Parents are advised to practice self-regulation before teaching their children how to calm down. The speaker shares a personal strategy of asking for a moment to breathe and collect themselves before engaging with their upset child, highlighting the need for parents to model calmness.

Creating a calm environment is crucial for effective communication. The speaker discusses the concept of sensory overload, where distractions like loud radios or TVs can hinder calm interactions. Suggestions include dimming lights, reducing stimuli, and finding a quiet space to talk, ensuring a peaceful atmosphere for discussions.

Teaching children self-regulation is essential. The speaker contrasts immature reactions, such as yelling or hitting when angry, with the importance of calming oneself to think clearly. Parents are encouraged to guide their children in recognizing their feelings and using techniques like deep breathing, reading, or listening to music to manage their emotions.

The speaker presents various activities for co-regulation, which can help parents and children manage emotions together. Suggestions include adjusting body positions to appear less intimidating, engaging in calming activities, and using visual aids to demonstrate different self-regulation techniques, making it accessible for children of all ages.

To effectively communicate with children, it is essential to lower your body position to be face-to-face, allowing for better emotional connection. Additionally, lowering your voice is crucial; if you want your child to remain calm, you must also avoid shouting. Children often mirror adult behaviors, so maintaining a calm demeanor is vital. Softening your facial expressions can also help; a calm and neutral expression reassures children that they are safe and understood, contrasting with an angry or aggressive demeanor.

Practicing deep breathing is a significant technique for emotional regulation. This involves taking deep breaths that expand the abdomen and chest, which can help calm both the parent and child. It is important to model this behavior, as children can be easily triggered by daily interactions. Parents should strive to avoid projecting anger or stress onto their families, focusing instead on self-regulation and calmness.

Engaging in physical activities together, such as dancing or walking outside, is beneficial for emotional regulation. Heavy work, like carrying laundry, can also serve as a calming activity. Parents are encouraged to explore sensory activities that children enjoy, such as building blocks or other creative play, to foster a positive environment. These activities should not be overlooked, as they can significantly enhance family bonding and emotional well-being.

Corre regulation is illustrated through the metaphor of a stormy boat; when a child's emotional outburst (the storm) meets a parent's calmness (the steady boat), effective regulation occurs. Parents should not react to a child's anger with more anger but instead respond with calmness, teaching children how to manage their emotions. This approach helps children learn to self-regulate over time.

Patience and calmness are learned skills, not inherent traits. The mindset that one cannot be patient or calm is a misconception. Parents must practice and develop these skills, understanding that corrections can be made regardless of the child's age, whether they are in elementary school, high school, or even college. The journey of learning to corre regulate begins with the parents, emphasizing that it is never too late to start.

The discussion emphasizes the importance of adopting a new mindset as parents, acknowledging that despite being adults, there is always more to learn. The speaker reflects on the differences between their own upbringing and the current environment their children are growing up in, highlighting the need for parents to adapt to these changes.

The speaker stresses the necessity of having a positive perspective towards children. If parents view their children as hopeless, they should not expect any change. Citing Dr. Becky Kennedy, the speaker notes that every child and parent has something good within them. Parents are encouraged to recognize both the good and bad behaviors in their children, understanding that there are underlying factors influencing their actions.

The concept of co-regulation is introduced as a crucial skill for parents to learn. The speaker explains that it is essential for parents to help their children calm down during moments filled with strong emotions such as anger or hatred. This skill is positioned as a top priority for effective parenting, aiming to foster positive development in children.

Teacher Jen concludes the session by thanking participants for attending the Parent Academy at Children International. She encourages the practice of co-regulation to promote calmness in parenting, which is vital for the positive development of children. The session also includes a reminder for participants to answer questions in a provided form link, which serves as attendance for the session.